Page 1 of 2
Bill Gates after death
Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 2:52 pm
by jaz
Bill Gates after Death.........
Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"
Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!
Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"
To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.
"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."
"As you desire," said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.
"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver"
Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 5:39 pm
by Wally Balljacker
Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 8:16 pm
by KStorm
Wally Balljacker wrote:Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
Part of the Buffett/Gates fortune goes to Planned Parenthood, an abortion provider/prosletyzer, so I very much doubt God will overlook that.
Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 3:52 am
by Tsuroerusu
Wally Balljacker wrote:Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
"But he loves you!"
Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:15 am
by mikeh
I prefer this version which I heard years ago. Fits more in with Microsoft's style.
Code: Select all
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stands over him and says, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ‘95 among other indiscretions. I believe I’ll do something I’ve never done before; I’ll let you decide where you want to go.”
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, “Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?” Looking slightly puzzled, God said, “Better yet, why don’t I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?”
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, “I think I’ll try Hell first.” So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was beautiful and clean, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill’s face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. “This is great,” he thought, “if this is Hell, I can’t wait to see heaven.”
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill looked up, yelled for God, told him his decision and was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
“So, how is everything going?” God asked.
Bill responded with a cracking voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! It’s nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to the other place…with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?”
“That was the demo,” replied God.
Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:50 am
by davijordan
KStorm wrote:Wally Balljacker wrote:Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
Part of the Buffett/Gates fortune goes to Planned Parenthood, an abortion provider/prosletyzer, so I very much doubt God will overlook that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Al Capone used to have soup kitchens for the poor and other philanthropic activities. That did not make him any better. I deeply dislike him and my ancestors that were part of the evil lifestyle.
Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 12:31 pm
by Tsuroerusu
mikeh wrote:“That was the demo,” replied God.
[/code]
Hehe, more like: That was before patents.
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:22 am
by Wally Balljacker
KStorm wrote:Wally Balljacker wrote:Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
Part of the Buffett/Gates fortune goes to Planned Parenthood, an abortion provider/prosletyzer, so I very much doubt God will overlook that.
Well, Christians claim pregnancy is an act of their God, being part of his divine plan. Considering many fertilized eggs never end in birth, many end in miscarriages, clearly God is the biggest provider of abortion in the universe if all of these natural abortions are part of his will.
Also, contrary to what most Christians will have you believe, the Bible doesn't actually say anything about abortion, so who knows if God would approve of it or not. In fact, according to the Bible, it says that life begins at birth, not at conception, so I don't see how that could possibly be considered murder.
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 4:46 am
by allix
Abortion is a issue for the individuals concerned, there is no right and wrong.
Religious nuts should look at the situation clearly and not dictate from a old novel.
There are too many children without a prober care , home , food and other necessitates we all take for granted.
How can a GOD exist and let humans treat each other like dirt?
There are two possible answers.
1) GOD really does not care about humans.
2) GOD does not exist.
I'm an atheist, thank God. - Luis Buñuel
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:12 am
by Tsuroerusu
allix wrote:2) GOD does not exist.
I'm putting my money on this one man! The idea of wormholes seem more true than the existence of some dude on a cloud somewhere.
Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 6:21 am
by Patrick
O.k., I'm closing this thread. We're wandering into religion and this will piss people off (including myself). Everyone has their own opinion. Keep it to yourself.
Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 1:04 pm
by Patrick
So we've moved this thread into the Anything Goes forum. Have at it!
Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:26 pm
by Guest
Wally Balljacker wrote:KStorm wrote:Wally Balljacker wrote:Gee, how nice of God to deceive him.
What a just being! But in all seriousness, if there really was such a God, I should hope he would be a little more fair, considering Bill and Melinda Gates have literally conquered diseases, and helped eliminate poverty through their charity foundation. Amusing story nonetheless.
Part of the Buffett/Gates fortune goes to Planned Parenthood, an abortion provider/prosletyzer, so I very much doubt God will overlook that.
Well, Christians claim pregnancy is an act of their God, being part of his divine plan. Considering many fertilized eggs never end in birth, many end in miscarriages, clearly God is the biggest provider of abortion in the universe if all of these natural abortions are part of his will.
Also, contrary to what most Christians will have you believe, the Bible doesn't actually say anything about abortion, so who knows if God would approve of it or not. In fact, according to the Bible, it says that life begins at birth, not at conception, so I don't see how that could possibly be considered murder.
Perhaps I should have made myself clear in defining abortion as the taking of human life by a human being. As far as many unfertilized eggs not ending in birth, there is a distinction to be made between non-birth and murder.
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/arg-abor.html
Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:46 pm
by Wally Balljacker
Anonymous wrote:Wally Balljacker wrote:KStorm wrote:Part of the Buffett/Gates fortune goes to Planned Parenthood, an abortion provider/prosletyzer, so I very much doubt God will overlook that.
Well, Christians claim pregnancy is an act of their God, being part of his divine plan. Considering many fertilized eggs never end in birth, many end in miscarriages, clearly God is the biggest provider of abortion in the universe if all of these natural abortions are part of his will.
Also, contrary to what most Christians will have you believe, the Bible doesn't actually say anything about abortion, so who knows if God would approve of it or not. In fact, according to the Bible, it says that life begins at birth, not at conception, so I don't see how that could possibly be considered murder.
Perhaps I should have made myself clear in defining abortion as the taking of human life by a human being. As far as many unfertilized eggs not ending in birth, there is a distinction to be made between non-birth and murder.
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/arg-abor.html
I guess we obviously disagree on this issue, but I will say we do need to strive to reduce the number of abortions by educating kids about the responsibilities of sex.
So, let me ask you, if you think abortion is murder, what should the punishment be for having one? Life in prison, like all the other murderers?
Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:21 pm
by davijordan
it is amazing how pundits know how any religious (christian, muslim, or any other) sect thinks. I have yet to meet two pwople alike of the same faith. Personally if we spent more time with health, sex, and birth control education, the questions about abortions would be a moot point. I am told, In China you are allowed only one child now. There are government supported forced abortions. Thank god we do not have that rule here. As the world gets more crowded, it might be a reality soon.